To be honest, there are times where I am fine. I'm good. The sadness is locked, the pain is not flowing, and the darkness is dimmed by my torch.
Sometimes it's hard to write here because I'm afraid.
I'm afraid to inflict pain and to put ideas that can hurt people who read this. But then again, I know how most of this site's visitors feel. I've been there and I still go there despite my want to not be in that dark place.
I remember writing down my first blog post.
It was hard and it was painful.
But what's hurtful the most is the fact that I'm alone.
I'm alone with my head.
I'm alone with my thoughts.
I'm alone with my pain.
I'm alone with my suffering.
I'm alone with my own world when my peers are there doing the things they do while I bleed inside.
They are always there, but they are still gone.
So despite wanting to put wisdom and positivity to this site's visitors, I decided to not do it.
Pain is nothing to celebrate about, I know it because I know how it feels and how ugly it is. I know how it crushes the heart inside.
I'm here to celebrate pain, I'm here to celebrate you as a human being. F*ck other people.
Sometimes it's hard to write here because I'm afraid.
I'm afraid to inflict pain and to put ideas that can hurt people who read this. But then again, I know how most of this site's visitors feel. I've been there and I still go there despite my want to not be in that dark place.
I remember writing down my first blog post.
It was hard and it was painful.
But what's hurtful the most is the fact that I'm alone.
I'm alone with my head.
I'm alone with my thoughts.
I'm alone with my pain.
I'm alone with my suffering.
I'm alone with my own world when my peers are there doing the things they do while I bleed inside.
They are always there, but they are still gone.
So despite wanting to put wisdom and positivity to this site's visitors, I decided to not do it.
Pain is nothing to celebrate about, I know it because I know how it feels and how ugly it is. I know how it crushes the heart inside.
I'm here to celebrate pain, I'm here to celebrate you as a human being. F*ck other people.
Fuck life. And the universe.
ReplyDeleteit’s never gonna get better
ReplyDeleteI can't
ReplyDeleteTell me about it
DeleteSometimes I wonder, how better my life would be if I have cancer. You know, your pain is valid because people can actually see your body fluctuate. When you scream or cry, they'd understand because hey, it's cancer. It's supposed to be painful. Yet.. god, the brain just screws me every time it has a chance to grab it. No time for me to catch up and maybe settle down in a bit, it cripples me when I'm awake, and lurches into my dreams while I sleep. It's never going to get better.
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