thoughts?
you are safe here, dump all your worries here: https://forms.gle/U9rxZ1HrHNMAHusp7
To be honest, there are times where I am fine. I'm good. The sadness is locked, the pain is not flowing, and the darkness is dimmed by my torch. Sometimes it's hard to write here because I'm afraid. I'm afraid to inflict pain and to put ideas that can hurt people who read this. But then again, I know how most of this site's visitors feel. I've been there and I still go there despite my want to not be in that dark place. I remember writing down my first blog post. It was hard and it was painful. But what's hurtful the most is the fact that I'm alone . I'm alone with my head. I'm alone with my thoughts. I'm alone with my pain. I'm alone with my suffering. I'm alone with my own world when my peers are there doing the things they do while I bleed inside. They are always there, but they are still gone. So despite wanting to put wisdom and positivity to this site's visitors, I decided to not do it. Pain is ...
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ReplyDeleteLooking for someone I can talk to about shits in the world because I think I might explode.
ReplyDeleteI think i might explode literally every single day.
DeleteI hope you're okay. I hope we're okay.
DeleteI'm not ok, I don't think I'll ever be, really. It's like drowning in my own mind with no possible way out, so why not embrace it...?
DeleteI guess that's what we are then, a human body with a flesh and so full of feelings it's over flowing and it's taking us to its deepest part with no way out, just a way in. And how do you embrace it if it's already been part of you?
DeleteYup, you said it. It's like it's never going to get better and I'm just stuck. For me, I've had depression since I was 9 and it actually hit me when I was 10, and little by little, I started to talk about it (even though it just makes me even more sad knowing that in my head, it'll just get worse and worse, and one day, I'll finally be dead).
DeleteI think we're all stuck. Suspended. With nothing break our falls. But I also think that's okay. Or am I just fooling myself that it's okay? I don't know, but it's better to believe that sometimes, we aren't suppose to be on top or beneath, just floating. Always in between. Because maybe that's how we are supposed to be. In between. And maybe were all going to survive this shit called life. Maybe.
DeleteMaybe we're fooling ourselves a little bit (just a little). I truly hope we're all going to survive. I tried committed suicide yesterday (ingested 5 pills) and then I kind of had a freak-out so I texted a close friend of mine and he told me what he thought I should do. I'm doing fine physically (obviously not emotionally) but um I realized in that moment how easy it is to die like that.
DeleteIt is a loop, and we are stuck and left to circle infinitely. Or so it may seem. We can break the cycle. As impossible as it might seem, it can be broken.
DeleteI wish I could donate the very breath in my lungs to someone who actually wants it. If death came I’d welcome it. Waste.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could donate the very breath in my lungs to someone who actually wants it. If death came I’d welcome it. Waste.
ReplyDeleteI always feel alone and I hate myself too much for being fragile.
ReplyDeleteI understand. I try to get better but it never works. I just hate myself so much
DeleteI understand. I try to get better but it never works. I just hate myself so much
DeleteI feel like I'm running circles. Like in the morning I feel tired even tho I slept more than 10 hours, then I'll start feeling cheerful and productive and then there will be this hole in me and I'll start losing myself bit by bit.
ReplyDeleteI understand. I feel like everything around me is fake. Why are they smiling? I can't find their jokes funny. I sleep too much and then I get yelled at for the dishes I left in the sink. I hate it.
DeleteSometimes I feel like a burning candle. Slowly melting. Parts of me are still there. Not gone but not whole. Like it’s not who I used to be. Because I’m ruined.
ReplyDeleteAnd the light on my head keeps melting me. And maybe one day I might just kill the light before it completely ruins me, at least parts of me still exist, just dead.
No lights.
why was I even given this name
ReplyDelete