Smooth Passages Express

To be honest, there are times where I am fine. I'm good. The sadness is locked, the pain is not flowing, and the darkness is dimmed by my torch. Sometimes it's hard to write here because I'm afraid. I'm afraid to inflict pain and to put ideas that can hurt people who read this. But then again, I know how most of this site's visitors feel. I've been there and I still go there despite my want to not be in that dark place. I remember writing down my first blog post. It was hard and it was painful. But what's hurtful the most is the fact that I'm alone . I'm alone with my head. I'm alone with my thoughts. I'm alone with my pain. I'm alone with my suffering. I'm alone with my own world when my peers are there doing the things they do while I bleed inside. They are always there, but they are still gone. So despite wanting to put wisdom and positivity to this site's visitors, I decided to not do it. Pain is ...

Of all the questions I've received, this got me off my chair. "If we have the right to live, why cant we have the right to die?" I guess the answer to that is, life is unfair . We were conceived and brought to life without our consent. A sperm and egg decided to unite and bless the world of another human being that needs to tend for himself/herself. At the end of the day, it's not the question of whether why we don't have the right to die, the underlying question is why do we have to live on a difficult life? Why do we have to be that small percentage of people who have to live up with sadness and pain? The question of why we can't choose to die is the bigger picture's question. You have to remember that the bigger picture's question is composed of much smaller question that are equally terrifying. Why am I lost? Why am I feeling this way? Why can't I be happy? Why am I part of a crowd that no longer sees my worth? Why can't I move forward? Why...

People don't get me. People hates me. People thinks I'm the bad guy. People is a love one. Love one must understand.  Love one should empathise.  Love one could have tried harder. Love one hurt me.  Me is sad.  Me is dejected.  Me is lonely. Me is fighting alone. Alone is not bad. Alone is just a state of mind. Alone is hard. Alone is different from being lonely. Lonely is a feeling.  Lonely..... Lonely..... Lonely... that is me. 

You can do it. I know you can do it. It's not always rock bottom. Surface. Float. You got this. We got this.

TO THOSE WHO BLEED INSIDE I'm here to tell you that I am beyond sad that you lost your uncle. I almost lost my grandma last year and the pain was damaging because it didn't came like a rocket and sweep me off just to drop me from 100,000ft at the speed of a bullet train. It was like a paper cut or a chip of your skin around the edge of your fingernails. It was small but the pain was stretching and it is real. It was a lingering pain. People around you might brush it off or say how they know how it feels but their words wouldn't matter, they can't feel the same emotion you are feeling. They can grieve but they cannot grieve the way you are grieving. I'm in no way qualified to answer your questions but I want you to ponder on these. Why did your uncle decided to go? Pain. His pain was too much, it wasn't him alone. It was the pain. But are you really asking him the reason or do you want to ask him why he didn't tell you? Why he didn't left any...