How are you holding on?
Yes, I won't ask you if you are okay or how are you because I know deep inside that you are not okay. That no amount of "I'm fine" can hide the hollowness inside you.
It doesn't matter if it's about your family, friends, lover, or any thing. The point is you are hurting.
There will be times when you are smiling with your friends, reading about politics news, or lying when all of a sudden a pinch of sadness brings you to tears. And you will do all your might to fight it. Put the box at the back of your mind even just for an hour. Please, just until I fall asleep. Please, even just after I meet with my friends. Please, just please, put it back.
Fair warning, there will be times when you can't feel anymore. When all the pain feels like a natural layer of yourself. You'll think that you are finally getting better, putting your shits together and all, but you are not.
Be careful, because that is the time you are most vulnerable. You get numb by pain. You feel nothing. To discover later on that you have been damaged big time.
Those times, may I add, can be the loneliest days of your life. You can't cry anymore, not because you ran out of tears but because even your body can't respond anymore to your pain. The sadness took a living within yourself that your body almost don't recognize the pain it carries as a foreign bodies that needs to be fighten off.
Folks, there is no handbook here. No manuals or universal guide on how to finally get your shits together and live your life the way you wanted or the way it did (which you wanted to relive).
I can't tell you how I moved forward when I'm still a human version of an air dancer- looks happy and colorful but nothing on the insides.
I want to bring positivity and light but how can I do it if I'm still on a tunnel holding a fuel-induced lamp. Alone.
No one understands.
No one can feel the pain you have.
But remember this, we are also in pain. It's not just you, you are never alone. Not in this tunnel, not on this life, not on this fight.
Maybe your light might never be enough for your to see the end of the tunnel but it is enough to find someone who is trapped in the dark looking for a way out, and like you, alone. Your lamp might ran out of fuel, but at least you are not alone.
Together, let's find our way out.
Yes, I won't ask you if you are okay or how are you because I know deep inside that you are not okay. That no amount of "I'm fine" can hide the hollowness inside you.
It doesn't matter if it's about your family, friends, lover, or any thing. The point is you are hurting.
There will be times when you are smiling with your friends, reading about politics news, or lying when all of a sudden a pinch of sadness brings you to tears. And you will do all your might to fight it. Put the box at the back of your mind even just for an hour. Please, just until I fall asleep. Please, even just after I meet with my friends. Please, just please, put it back.
Fair warning, there will be times when you can't feel anymore. When all the pain feels like a natural layer of yourself. You'll think that you are finally getting better, putting your shits together and all, but you are not.
Be careful, because that is the time you are most vulnerable. You get numb by pain. You feel nothing. To discover later on that you have been damaged big time.
Those times, may I add, can be the loneliest days of your life. You can't cry anymore, not because you ran out of tears but because even your body can't respond anymore to your pain. The sadness took a living within yourself that your body almost don't recognize the pain it carries as a foreign bodies that needs to be fighten off.
Folks, there is no handbook here. No manuals or universal guide on how to finally get your shits together and live your life the way you wanted or the way it did (which you wanted to relive).
I can't tell you how I moved forward when I'm still a human version of an air dancer- looks happy and colorful but nothing on the insides.
I want to bring positivity and light but how can I do it if I'm still on a tunnel holding a fuel-induced lamp. Alone.
No one understands.
No one can feel the pain you have.
But remember this, we are also in pain. It's not just you, you are never alone. Not in this tunnel, not on this life, not on this fight.
Maybe your light might never be enough for your to see the end of the tunnel but it is enough to find someone who is trapped in the dark looking for a way out, and like you, alone. Your lamp might ran out of fuel, but at least you are not alone.
Together, let's find our way out.
i have been going through alot right now, stress from grades, family and myself. I am self-conscious about myself and have high hopes then later on i get hurt. Thats what I hate, i have high hopes that wont happen and that will make my life suck more. I have a lot of problems with my parents, also in school. I cry without a reason.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI needed to read this. When i don't take pills i feel absolutely nothing but i have my own mind. When i'm on pills, i feel everything at once and my thoughts are slowed down. I count the days until friday and count the hours until monday. I have no motivation to do anything, i'm thin enough to disappear if i'm not careful. I'm not living for myself but at the same time living for other people is too hard. I'm just existing until one day i won't.
ReplyDeleteI'm tired of living like this, like there's no point of being alive .. I feel like a ghost, wandering around without any reason... Not being able to feel anything.... Depressions is killing me slowly... with each passing day I'm breaking into tiny pieces.... N no matter how much I try I just couldn't get out of this hell hole..... I don't know how long can I live like this......
ReplyDeleteIt's scary that someone else thinks just like me. I don't know how long I can go on. My uncle committed suicide without a note, without a hint of WHY he did it. He was my closest relative. I'm sorry for everyone else's loss but...nobody said that to me. I just...don't know the answers anymore. Am I happy or depressed? Am I worthless? a mistake?
ReplyDeleteEver since My uncle died, I haven't cried(2 months from today). I have kept my emotions packed down and have become emotionally numb. I refuse to see a counselor and I know I need to see one. He can't be here and I want to be with him. I just want to know one thing...how do you deal with a loss if you can't feel the hurt anymore? If you don't hurt? If you're just a shadow of what you used to be.
I hope that everyone on here ends their pain one way or another. I hate knowing someone else is suffering. I hate knowing someone else here is in pain. I just want everyone to know they matter. I know this but i don't understand it.
words. meant to encourage. never have. never will. somebody help. we're drowning. fast. hold your breath. stay calm. I'm coming to help you. I won't stop until you're safe and okay for real.
Deletei have nothing to say because im as numb as u are
i
ReplyDeletei need someone , i need a touch or i might not make it long..
Stay.
DeleteIt's tough, but do not succumb to it.
I can lend my ears, send me your details here: https://forms.gle/U9rxZ1HrHNMAHusp7
I'll wait for you.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhat if I don't want a way out?
ReplyDeleteWe both know the answer to that. Unless you'd find a reason to stay, you'll find your way out. Though, we can't keep staying here forever cause we'd be in pain as long as were alive.
DeleteIt seems like there isn't away out from this darkness. It's like that darkness will forever be a part of me. I can't even remember when the darkness came, and feeling numb is something that happens so often to me that it's something so common. I just read All The Bright Places and Violet Markey said, "I'm empty, as if whatever makes me feel and hurt and laugh and love has been surgically removed, leaving me hollowed out like a shell." and that is the most accurate description of me when I'm numb.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if ya'll here are still hurting, still numb and empty...
ReplyDeleteCause i still do. Please reply if any of you still feel that way. I need to know that i'm not the only one feeling this way. Or much more worse than what i'm feeling. Share ko lang.
you're not the only one dealing with sadness and pain. I'm here trying to find a way out in the darkness.
DeletePlease.
ReplyDelete